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Arts & Letters Daily

QuickBooks

State Exam 1

Exam 1

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Sample A

One day, at a village, a burglar climbed (in) the window into Mak Limah // wooden house. The burglar was stealing; he quickly climbed out // the big window.

A gaggle of geese running quickly to chase and pecked the burglar.

Mak Limak felt very proud and happy because her things were not stolen. She fed the geese a lot of delicious food.  

Feedback

Introduction: YES/NO

  • One day, at a village, a burglar climbed in the window into Mak Limah // wooden house.                           

–          Correction: One day a burglar climbed through the window into Mak Limah’s wooden house in the village.

Body: YES/NO

–          Correction/comment: Too brief. Answer the following questions: Who was running?  Who chased the burglar?  What happened to the burglar?

Conclusion: YES/NO

  • Mak Limak felt very proud and happy because her things were not stolen.

–          Correction:

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea: – answered the question ‘What’.

–          Correction –

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body – who, when, where

–          Who – burglar, Mak Limah’s

–          When – One day

–          Where –  Mak Limah’s wooden house in the village

–          Correction – the following questions should be answered: Who was running?  Who chased the burglar?  What happened to the burglar?

Sentence Problems

  • The burglar was  stealing; he quickly climbed out the big window.

–          Correction: The burglar was stealing Mak Limah’s food. After he grabbed the food, he quickly climbed out through the big window.

  • She fed the geese a lot of delicious food.

–          Correction: Off the topic. Delete this sentence.

Grammar

  • One day, (at) a village, a burglar climbed (in) the window into Mak Limah // wooden house.                          

–          Correction: One day a burglar climbed through the window into Mak Limah’s wooden house in the village.

  • A gaggle of geese running quickly to chase and pecked the burglar.

–          Correction: A gaggle of geese chased and pecked the burglar.

Congratulation!  You used the Past Tense correctly. Good job!

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Sample B

On day, there was a burglar. He tried to steal some things from a small and peaceful village. He saw a big house. He climbed into the house through an opened window.

After stealing some things from the house, he went out by the same window. At that time, Mak Limah, the house owner, heard the burglar and let her geese out. The geese chased and pecked the burglar away.

After ten minutes, the burglar ran away. Mak Limah felt proud and very happy about her geese. From that day, Mak Limah fed her geese with a lot of foods and drinks.

Feedback

Introduction: YES/NO

  • On day, there was a burglar. He tried to steal some things from a small and peaceful village.                          

–          Correction: On day, a burglar tried to steal some things from a small and peaceful village.

Body: YES/NO

–          Correction/comment: Included sufficient details.

Conclusion: YES/NO

  • Mak Limah felt proud and very happy about her geese.

–          Correction:

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea: answered the question ‘What’

–          Correction – On day, a burglar tried to steal some things from a small and peaceful village.

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body – who, where, when.

–          Who – burglar, Mak Limah

–          When – One day, After ten minutes

–          Where – small and peaceful village, big house

–          Correction –

Sentence Problems

  • On day, there was a burglar. He tried to steal some things from a small and peaceful village.                                                   

–          Correction: On day, a burglar tried to steal some things from a small and peaceful village.    

–          Correction:

Grammar

  • Well done except for:  ‘a lot of foods and drinks’.                        

–          Correction: a lot of food and water

–          Correction:

Congratulation:    You used the verbs and adjectives correctly! You missed one word “running”. Well done ! Keep it up!

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Sample C

One day at the village, a burglar climbed into the window at Mak Limah’s wooden house. He wanted to steal the things from Mak Limah’s house.

After stealing, Mak Limah found out that there was a burglar went into her house. Her geese to chased and pecked the burglar until his run away.

After chasing, Mak Limah fed all her geese to eat. She was very happy and proud of her geese because her they helped her to chased the bad burglar.

Feedback

Introduction: YES/NO

  • One day at the village, a burglar climbed into the window at Mak Limah’s wooden house.                          

–          Correction: One day a village burglar climbed through the window into Mak Limah’s wooden house.

Body: YES/NO

–          Correction/comment: The Body could provide some more details about the burglary. Use the 5W’s to provide more details.

Conclusion: YES/NO

  • She was very happy and proud of her geese because her they helped her to chased the bad burglar.   

–          Correction: She was very happy and proud of her geese because they helped her chase the burglar away.

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea: answered the question ‘What’.

–          Correction – One day a village burglar climbed through the window into Mak Limah’s wooden house.

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body – who, when, where, why

–          Who – burglar, Mak Limah

–          When – One day

–          Where – the village, Mak Limah’s house

–          Correction –

Sentence Problems

  • After stealing, Mak Limah found out that there was a burglar went into her house. Her geese to chased and pecked the burglar until his run away.

–          Correction: Mak Limah found out that there was a burglar in her house. She let the out geese and they chased after the burglar. They pecked the burglar until he ran away.

  • After chasing, Mak Limah fed all her geese to eat.

–          Correction: After the geese chased the burglar away, Mak Limah fed them.

Grammar

  • One day at the village, a burglar climbed into the window at Mak Limah’s wooden house.                                                  

–          Correction: One day a village burglar climbed through the window into Mak Limah’s wooden house.

  • She was very happy and proud of her geese because her they helped her to chased the bad burglar.   

–          Correction: She was very happy and proud of her geese because they chased the burglar away.

Comment: Do not start each sentence on a new line.

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