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Template II: Feedback on using the 5 W’s

Use the following template to write feedback on using the 5 W’s.

Format

Introduction: YES/NO

–          Correction:

Body: YES/NO

–          Correction:

Conclusion: YES/NO

–          Correction:

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea:

–          Correction –

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body –

–          Correction –

Sentence Problems

–          Correction:

–          Correction:

Grammar

–          Correction:

–          Correction:

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Sample A

Badminton Match

Last Saturday, a badminton match was held at my school. The pupils took part

a badminton game. The match start from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. All the contesters

were very exciting with the match. The contesters very tired. We school lost

again. I hope this game can held again next year.

Feedback

Introduction: YES/NO

  • Last Saturday, a badminton match was held at my school.                          

–          Correction/comment: Good introduction with a clear main idea.

Body: YES/NO

  • Used 3 of the W’s to explain the main idea                     

–          Correction/comment: supports the main idea by explaining who was involved, when it happened and where it happened. Well done!

Conclusion: YES/NO

  • I hope this game can be held again next year.

–          Correction: ‘can be held’ is a difficult verb to use. I suggest that you use the active verb ‘hold’ which would mean changing the subject as well: I hope the school can hold the badminton match next year.

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea: ‘what’ – a badminton match

–          Correction –

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body – who, when, and where to explain the main idea.   Well done!

–          Who – pupils

–          When – Last Saturday

–          Where – my school

–          Correction –

Sentence Problems

  • The contesters very tired: wrong word and missing verb.                        

–          Correction: The contestants were very tired.

  • I hope this game can held again next year.

–          Correction: Use an active verb in the future tense. Make ‘school’ the subject so that ‘school’ does the action: I hope the school can hold this game again next year.

Grammar

  • Past tense: The match start from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m.                          

–          Correction: The match started at 8 a.m. and ended at 1 p.m.

  • All the contesters were very exciting with the match.

–          Correction: All the contestants were very excited about the match.

  • We school lost again. – wrong pronoun

–          Correction: Our school lost again.

Comment: This is a well written paragraph which included the use of the 5W’s. There are several things to watch for: use the past tense when you are writing about the past; make sure there is a verb in each sentence; use possessive pronouns carefully.

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Sample B

Badminton Match

Last fine Saturday morning, a badminton game was held in my school hall.

Many pupils were took part in this game. It was start at 9 o’clock. All the

contesters were very exciting with the match. The audiences were shut loudly

for their team when the match was held. After the match, the contesters were

very tired. A few minutes later, result was came out. Who contesters  was won

the game, they were as happy as a child. Although some pupils were not won

but they were not sad. I hope this game can held again next year.

Feedback

Introduction: YES/NO

  • Last fine Saturday morning, a badminton game was held in my school hall. Good introduction and clear main idea.                       

–          Correction: The word ‘fine’ cannot be used here and is not needed.

Body: YES/NO

  • Supports the main idea by explaining who was involved, when it happened and where it happened. Well done!                        

–          Correction:

Conclusion: YES/NO

  • I hope this game can held again next year. Good conclusion.

–          Correction: I hope the school can hold this game again next year. (Use an active verb in the future tense which means making ‘school’ the subject so that ‘school’ does the action.)

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea: ‘what’- a badminton game

–          Correction –

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body – who, when, where explain the main idea.  Well done!

–          Who – pupils

–          When – Last Saturday at 9 o’clock

–          Where – my school hall

–          Correction –

Sentence Problems

  • Who contesters was won the game, they were as happy as a child.                        

–          Correction: The contestants who won the game were as happy as young children. The word ’who’ is misplaced; ‘contestants’ is the correct word, ; the auxiliary verb ‘was’ is not needed to make the past tense, ‘won’ is correct; ‘contestants’ is plural so ‘child’ must also be plural ‘children’. This was a good attempt at writing a complex sentence. At the present time you may want to write only simple sentences to avoid many errors.

  • Although some pupils were not won but they were not sad.

–          Correction: Although some pupils did not win they were not sad. ‘were not won’ needs to be in the present tense ‘did not win’; ‘but’ is not needed in this complex sentence.

Grammar

  • Many pupils were took part in this game.                          

–          Correction: Many pupils took part in this game. The auxiliary verb ‘were’ is not needed to make the past tense.

  • It was start at 9 o’clock.

–          Correction: It started at 9 o’clock. The auxiliary verb ‘was’ is not needed to make the past tense.

  • All the contesters were very exciting with the match.

–          Correction: All the contestants were very excited with the match. Use the word ‘contestants’ not ‘contesters’: use ‘excited’ not ‘exciting’.

  • The audiences were shut loudly.

–          Correction: The audience shouted loudly ‘audience’ is a singular no count noun; the auxiliary verb ‘were’ is not needed to make the past tense. The past tense is ‘shouted’; the rest of the sentence is correct.

  • A few minutes later, result was came out.

–          Correction: The article ‘the’ is needed before result; the auxiliary verb ‘was’ is not needed to make the past tense, ‘came’ is correct; the rest of the sentence is correct.

  • I hope this game can held again next year.

–          Correction: I hope the school can hold this game again next year. –  use an active verb in the future tense which means making ‘school’ the subject so that ‘school’ does the action.

Comment: This is a well written paragraph including a variety of sentence patterns. There are two things to watch for: use the simple past tense when writing about the past and writing complex sentences. When you write complex sentences there are more places to make errors. Try to write simple sentences.

********************

Sample C

Badminton match

Yesterday, a badminton game was held in my school hall. They were year 5 and year 6 played at the badminton court. It was very interesting because many pupils gave support to their players. The atmosphere was very joyous and happy. Many pupils gave a cheered to their players. I like the game very much. Our school won the game but my player school not proud. (Natikirana, 12 years old)

Feedback

Introduction: YES/NO

  • Yesterday, a badminton game was held in my school hall.

–          Correction/comment: Good introduction and clear main idea.

Body: YES/NO

–          Correction/comment: Supports the main idea by explaining who was involved, when it happened and where it happened. Well done!

Conclusion: YES/NO

–          Correction/Suggestion:: Badminton is popular so the school should hold more games.

5 W’s (who, what, where, when, why)

  • ‘W’ for the main idea: ‘what’ – a badminton game

–          Correction –

  • Use some or all of the other ‘W’s’ in the body – who, when, and where explain the main idea: well done!

–          Who – year 5 and year 6 players, many pupils

–          When – Yesterday

–          Where – my school hall

–          Correction –

Sentence Problems

  • Our school won the game but my player school not proud’.                          

–          Correction: Our school won the game but our players did not boast. (the word ‘school’ is not needed and a better choice of word is ‘boast’ not ‘proud’.

–          Correction:

Grammar

  • Many pupils gave a cheered to their players.                        

–          Correction: Many pupils cheered their players. ( ‘gave a’ and ‘to’ are not needed)

–          Correction:

Comment: This is a well written paragraph including a variety of sentence patterns. The past tense was used correctly in most sentences. Work on possessive personal pronouns so that you know when to use ‘our’ and ‘my’. Keep up the excellent work!